Dear 24

Dear Life,
I'm about to turn 24 today at 14:15p.m. and my life is nothing but a mess, I'm failing to clean it up. I'm mentally exhausted and physically defeated. And death denied me a couple of times. So I gave up...

Dear 24,
Please be nicer, I am not trying to be happy anymore. I just need peace, I don't want to hurt anymore and I am never going to chase stars I cannot reach. 


Dear 24,
Numb the pain and restore my soul. Set me free from inside this broken mind. I just want to be normal for once. I just want to be okay.

Dear 24,
Look After me, please. I am too weak to go through the same things I went through. Provide me a break. Alone I shall be with peace if I have too.


Dear 24,
I need you, I don't want to be a mental patient anymore, I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to breathe anymore. Just want to sleep forever.

Dear 24.

©Kitty Minaj

Enmity

I step on needles, hoping it was worth it,
For me to feel something or anything.
I lowered my status, so you can get comfortable.
I was tired of being alone all the time,
I ripped my soul out, for you to stay.
I was afraid of losing everyone,
I carried your blame, just to be loved.
All I wanted was the warmth of a being,
Yet I broke my heart, just to be someone,
For atleast one person to accept.
So I lost myself, searching for you.
Guess I forgot who I was, unloved!

©Kitty Minaj

I Am Not Afraid

I am not afraid,
Of the failures ahead
And the disappointments
Because I believe in me

I am not afraid,
Of the pain in my past
And the unhealed wounds
Because I am stronger

I am not afraid,
Of the love he broke
And the scars of his fist
Because it was toxic

I am not afraid,
Of the depression I bare
And the anxiety it carries
Because it made me real

I am not afraid,
Of the future I cannot see
And the presents that hurts
Because I am living for now

I am not afraid,
Of my haunted faith
And broken expectations
Because I accepted the bad

PS: I am not afraid, I am going with the flaw.

©Kitty Minaj

Heart Of Stone

Heart of Stone
Blind from the truth
Weak from within
Breaking in silence
Strong in public
Fooling with charm
Yet dying inside
Heart of stone
But cares too much
Selfless is natural
Cries in the dark
Mask, to brighten your day
Yet heart never rest
Heart of stone
So heavy for my soul
Regrets trouble my sorrows
Peace fading like day
Memories haunts my spirit
Heart of stone
Traumas never end...

©Kitty Minaj

Engulfed

Twinkling star beneath my feet
Yet my sky is shaded black
Take me high above the moon
Let me cry out like a wolf
Fill my soul just like the night
Let me rest without a scare
Hold me tight, be my demon
Free my mind and let me smile.

©Kitty Minaj

It Hurts Like Hell

It hurts…

When it hurts like hell
I tried to overdose
But no amount of medicine,
Can numb the pain inside
Instead it makes you feel worse.

When it hurts like hell
I tried to seek for help
But no human,
Can take away the misery
Instead they break you badly.

When it hurts like hell
I ran to him
But not even love,
Can heal the wounds in your sorrow
Instead it lesion even more.

When it hurts like hell
I killed myself
But not even death,
Can handle my heavy baggage
Instead it denied my soul.

When it hurts like hell
I finally gave up
For hell seem even better
Because this nightmare is curse too
And can’t escape from yourself

I let it hurt like hell

Warmth Of My Demon

I lay dead on the floor
When darkness filled my skies
And pain come like rain
Couldn’t understand the void inside
It trembled in the worst moment
Crushing my vains like a venom
And slowing hurting my soul
Til I felt nothing but cold
I screamed out, LORD
Till my voice dried out
And my strength warn-out
So cold and half dead
I hoped for someone to help
And no one came for days
Yet suddenly I felt warmth
A blanket on top of me
The demons came for me
They heard my cry and pain
And I knew, that we’re never alone.

©Kitty Minaj

How Do I Love Me?

How Do I Love Me?
I asked, looking at the reflation of a broken girl
Her eyes blood red
She doesn’t want to be alive

How do I love me?
When I can’t stop the overflowing tears
That comes like a heavy rain
Even when I am very happy

How do I love me?
With all this pain in my chest
And anxiety choking my neck
While depression destroys my brain

How do I love me?
With all the abuses from my past
And voices telling me I am not enough
I’ll never make it alive

How do I love me?
When everytime I wake up with a smile
They throw stones of hate at me
Complaining that I act better than them

How do I love me?
With all the suicidal attempts
Selfishly praying to die
Trying to escape reality

How do I love me?
When you don’t even love me
Hurting me with your lust
And pushing me away with you lie

How do I love me?
When I feel so alone
With no where to hide nor run
And no one to call or talk too

Truth is I do love me?
As me, broken and bruised
Alone and cold with passion
Unloved but alive yet dead inside.

©Kitty Minaj

Hush Broken, Baby

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Go to bed and close your eyes
I know it’s hard but please just try
Say something postive even if it’s lies

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You’re feeling outta place and outta mind
Sadly, it won’t get better that’s no lie
But you got to keep going and be kind

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Got to be strong in this cruel world
Even when the robe needs to be tied
Seems like the only way to reach the Lord

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You can overdose and numb the pain
You’ll just fall alseep but won’t die
Satisfying your suicide thoughts is no gain

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Depression is a phrase and it sucks
Just retreat to your room and outcry
For anxiety is hell but it can bring lucks

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Let your hope fly just like a dove
There’s always someone who’s willing to try
To hold you tight and show you love.

©Kitty Minaj

Incapable Of Healing

Last week I cut my wrist
Trying to escape the bitterness of life
My wound was really deep
For blood was spilling out like water in pipe
But sadly, the knife couldn’t reach my vain
I fall asleep and woke up the next day
Guess the wound wasn’t deep enough
But it did hurt like hell
And with time and with pain pills
The pain vanished like thunder
And blood dried up like rain
Few days passed and the scar healed slowly
That only made me sad…
Sad that some things are able to heal.
Why can’t the wounds of our hearts do the same
why can’t they heal in time
All we get is quotes that claim that things get better with time
But truth is, they don’t.
The pain you feel in your heart is not flexible but stable.
It stays the same.
And no matter how hard you try
It’s hard to get used to it
So do we really heal?
If not… why is the heart incapable of healing.

©Kitty Minaj