Stuck in a room filled with light,
Yet to me it felt so dark.
I am surounded by good people,
Yet I felt alone with bad vibe.
I laugh and smile when they look at me,
Yet I'm breaking and dying slowly Inside.
I dont know what's happening, everything is bury,
Yet I feel like a zombie in out of space.
I thought having Mental Health sucks,
Yet to also deal with abue is hell.
It took me years to accept my condition,
Yet I refuse to be a victim.
He loved me when everyone didn’t,
Yet that’s the reason I can’t leave him alone.
©Kitty Minaj
Category: love
Restless May
May I have a rest?
As I wake up in this cold morning
Tossing and turning avoiding to get up
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As I feel the burning in my chest
Struggling to breathe every second
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As Love breaks my bone
Living me heart broken and abused
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As I become more depressed
I swear this mental illness is pain
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As suicide fills my mind
I don’t want to face tomorrow
Oh dear May, let me rest forever.
©Kitty Minaj
Mother Of March
Dear Oh Mother of March;
I am hurting so much
And I am also trying so hard to be alright
But this life doesn't seem to have a spot for me
I just keep on falling way to hard
And I hate every breath that take
Yet I can't escape from this reality
So, all I do is lie in the couch all day
Watching drama, ignoring to think
Getting more depressed by the second
Waiting for the due date of my death,
Because Oh Mother of March, I don't want to be alive.
©Kitty Minaj
Depressing December
Dear December,
I thought I was happy this year
But you kept bringing me back.
You gave me bits of happiness then took it away,
You gave distraction then took it away too,
It’s like I’m not meant to be free.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this pain
But it keeps on hurting and hurting
And I just can’t bare it no more.
I’m not that strong…
I’ve been through a lot in life,
Every year is another trauma added to my mental health
Yet I wake and smile to the world with hope
Hoping that tomorrow will be better
Now I know it’s a lie
I’ll never be better in life
It’ll hurt until I die
Love will not save me but hurt me more
Family will not comfort me but destroy me
Freedom will not save me but wound me
Happiness will always be a curse
So, has I lay my head on the last month,
I am reminding myself to let everything go
I can’t change what’s meant to be
But I can change my mindset towards everything
Therefore I forgive me this December
And I am proud that I haven’t thought about suicide
Tomorrow I’ll be okay if things ain’t okay
But I’ll still cry.
©Kitty Minaj
Maybe
My heart is heavy,
Maybe it’s because of the abuse
Or the bruises all over my face
Maybe I don’t want to admit it’s abuse
Or maybe I just want it to be a mistake
A mistake that keeps happening
Then again maybe I am scared
Maybe I am just helpless
I’ve never had a script to relate too
Or maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone to run too
Maybe I am truly obsessed with him
Or maybe I am obsessed with pain
Maybe I am not worthy for better
Or maybe this is what I deserve
Because maybe I am unable to walk out
For truly and not maybe I LOVE HIM
I TRULY LOVE HIM SO HIM.
©Kitty Minaj
9 Year Anniversary
I woke up with a kiss from you
But I was still mad about yesterday
In fact mad about many things
Sometimes it’s hard to let things go
The unbearable pain of the wounds
The hard crack of a broken heart
The loud voice of the unspoken
The silence of the insults
Days of sleepless night
And a river of endless tears
Yet I still keep you so close
For I am afraid of letting you go
So Happy 9 Year Anniversary!
©Kitty Minaj
September Salvation
Crystal the darkness was
But it couldn’t break my spirit
For I’ve seen the hell of life
And I’ve walked through the hot ashes
Yet it couldn’t haunt my soul
Even when devil promised me freedom
Instead he gave me misery
Crying every moment for a drop of love
Or just bit of sickless motion
A fresh breathe of no pain,
Until September came like wave
Wiping my scars and hiding my wounds
Showing me care and friendship
Warning my mental health to rest for a bit
So I can learn just how to live
Giving me Salvation.
©Kitty Minaj
Perfect Man
My Perfect Man
Has hazel eyes that glows for me
As we have the same personality,
Small lips yet rough but soft on my lips
For our chemistry is define and sweet,
His touch is hot but warm on my body
There is fire every time we make love,
He always know what to say
As long as it chases the sadness away,
He knows how to turn me on
And makes damn sure I get satisfied,
Has a tattoo of my name on his chest
To prove that his love for me is permanent,
He loves to kiss my forehead
To let me know that I got him,
He feels comfortable confiding in me
Because he believes we are one,
He enjoys to hold my hand when we walk
To make sure that I feel secure,
He values to kiss me in public
To show the world that his proud of me,
He stares at me when I’m not looking
Wondering what he did to deserve such an Angel,
He always act funny like a clown
Just to put a smile on my face,
He always keep in touch when his away
To show me he misses me every second we’re apart,
And he always say I LOVE YOU!
Each and every moment he gets everyday.
And that’s my perfect man…
©Kitty Minaj
25 Goals For 25
1. Breathe
2. It’s okay to just breathe
3. Cry when sad then smile after
4. It’s not okay not to be okay and that’s okay
5. Wake up everyday
6. Forgive today’s pain
7. Learn to forgive
8. Learn to be selfish sometimes
9. Forgive myself
10. It’s okay to spoil myself
11. Learn to let go
12. Stop being a hoarder
13. Try to exercise
14. Never dwell on the past
15. Let music heal the unspoken wounds
16. Embrace change
17. It’s okay to eat a lot
18. Drink a lot of water
19. Not everyone will hurt me
20. Embrace the true me
21. It’s okay to be me #introvert
22. Write more
23. Be engaged with people with mental illness #disability
24. Give when necessary and never regret if they ungrateful
25. Learn to live and not drown.
Happy Birthday And New Year To Me!!
Abuse Free August
Dear August,
I woke up alone but not lonely
I felt cold without his warm arms around me
Yet life feels better with me here
Without fear of displeasing him,
And his insult when I try to talk,
A slap on my face when he can’t reply,
A push against the wall when his pissed,
A fist on my back when I hide my face,
Choking my neck when he tries to prove a point,
And hit my head against the wall just when he wants to leave,
Then calls me names for his own reasons,
And tell me how useless and worthless I am
Till the words hit my heart and I remember to let go
So I took a breath and truly let him go.
I want to breathe free this August, with no scars.
©Kitty Minaj
Real Kitty Minaj 