October Morning

When the sun ray blinded my eyes,
I felt like I couldn't breathe in the light.
The pillow case was clouding my brain,
The bed sheet couldn't cover my broken soul.
For I was suffocating outside the blanket.
Yarning through the scars of death,
And scratching my face for peace with reality.
As I woke up to a life full of pain, wounds and traumas,
But never regrets just failed hard work.
And I woke up to October Morning...
Ready to continue my broken quest.

©Kitty Minaj

Settling In September

When the wind faded with August, 
I thought I would feel more lost,
But I woke in the fresh air of September,
And pain is what I don’t remember;
For I finally put myself first
And I know that this feeling won't last!
But I promise to enjoy it right now.
As I settling in this new season
Not knowing what to expect,
But ready for the worst,
For I know that life is a journey,
And I am willing to partake in.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

Be Blue

Be Blue
When black takes over your world, 
And yellow seems to be helpless, 
For red is the love that broke your soul. 
Remember purple is there for hope, 
When green leads you to a painful path. 
White is there to clear your heart, 
As blue washes the traumas away. 

©Kitty Minaj 
self love · The mask

Dear 24

Dear Life,
I'm about to turn 24 today at 14:15p.m. and my life is nothing but a mess, I'm failing to clean it up. I'm mentally exhausted and physically defeated. And death denied me a couple of times. So I gave up...

Dear 24,
Please be nicer, I am not trying to be happy anymore. I just need peace, I don't want to hurt anymore and I am never going to chase stars I cannot reach.

Dear 24,
Numb the pain and restore my soul. Set me free from inside this broken mind. I just want to be normal for once. I just want to be okay.

Dear 24,
Look After me, please. I am too weak to go through the same things I went through. Provide me a break. Alone I shall be with peace if I have too.

Dear 24,
I need you, I don't want to be a mental patient anymore, I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to breathe anymore. Just want to sleep forever.

Dear 24.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health · Poetry

Born In August

Born in August
In the crowded mist of the dust,
That invaded my path to happiness,
I cannot even see the sad future ahead.

Born in August
In the silent cry of the wind,
That couldn't dry theses broken tears,
Or chase away the traumas And sorrows.

Born in August
When the tree lost it's leaves,
I lost everyone, even the hope of love,
Had no one to comfort me.

Born in August
I cried more this month,
When everyone was rejoicing,
How ironic! That time hasn't change a thing.

Born in August
Yet, I wish I wasn't born at all,
No offense, dear August,
Born 4th August 98'

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health

Dear Pain

You never want to leave, huh?
The moment I think you’ve reach your limit,
You go to your extreme without care.
I am tired, can you see?
I am more than just broken right now,
I am completely ravished.
When will you be enough?
It has been years carrying this baggage.
For some reason I know this can’t be my faith
But it’s hard to be positive with you in my path.
Sat me free, dear pain!
Or just give me a little break.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Writing

What’s Wrong With Me??

It all starts with a perfect day.
Can almost hear the birds sing,
Even though, it's cold as snow.
The songs are smooth like jazz,
The Vibe is peaceful and pure,
The people are kind and joyful,
His romantic and full of love,
It's almost feel like heaven.
Then suddenly everything stops,
Can only feel the blood moving in your vain.
You suddenly lost breathe, 
Feeling numb with a painful brain,
Then off, you're down.
When you get up, it's different,
Your hands feel uncomfortable,
All you want to do is hit staff,
And tears fall without allowance, 
What's happening to my brain?
It Hurts, it hurts....
Please make it stop.
Help me, somebody please...

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

July Disorder

Like life, it's unpredictable. 
It came without signs,
Yet I knew that something was wrong,
I knew that I wasn't okay.
Mentally my brain hurts every second,
Physically I couldn't get out of bed.
And emotionally I was all over the place,
Spiritually I didn't exist,
I needed a break from depression
Some time away from anxiety
And I ran in the arms of Bipolar
My new July Disorder...
Lord I am tired.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Motivation

Dear June

I am in a battle,
Fighting for peace and freedom.
Dear June,
I am not happy but that's okay,
I've never been happy anyway.
It's hard to see my plans fall apart,
What's even harder,
We are almost in the middle of the year...
And I don't know where I am going,
Or where I will end up,
But I refuse to give up,
So, help me lift my head up.
I am on my knees begging for strength and guidance.
My heart is broken, my life is a mess,
And my future is predictable.
But I am hopeful and I will keep trying,
Just be kind and help me, June.
Let's keep fighting or just numb the pain.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Motivation · self love

May Peace

May I Have Peace? 
To gather my strength, 
Regain my pride, 
And restore my heart 

May I have peace? 
To let go of the pain, 
Forgive the past, 
And honor the future 

May I have peace? 
To breathe without struggles, 
And smile without pretending, 
And learn to be okay with not being okay.

©Kitty Minaj