Depression · Mental Health · Poetry

Born In August

Born in August
In the crowded mist of the dust,
That invaded my path to happiness,
I cannot even see the sad future ahead.

Born in August
In the silent cry of the wind,
That couldn't dry theses broken tears,
Or chase away the traumas And sorrows.

Born in August
When the tree lost it's leaves,
I lost everyone, even the hope of love,
Had no one to comfort me.

Born in August
I cried more this month,
When everyone was rejoicing,
How ironic! That time hasn't change a thing.

Born in August
Yet, I wish I wasn't born at all,
No offense, dear August,
Born 4th August 98'

©Kitty Minaj
Depression

BOOK SALE

self love · The mask

Dear 24

Dear Life,
I'm about to turn 24 today at 14:15p.m. and my life is nothing but a mess, I'm failing to clean it up. I'm mentally exhausted and physically defeated. And death denied me a couple of times. So I gave up...

Dear 24,
Please be nicer, I am not trying to be happy anymore. I just need peace, I don't want to hurt anymore and I am never going to chase stars I cannot reach.


Dear 24,
Numb the pain and restore my soul. Set me free from inside this broken mind. I just want to be normal for once. I just want to be okay.

Dear 24,
Look After me, please. I am too weak to go through the same things I went through. Provide me a break. Alone I shall be with peace if I have too.


Dear 24,
I need you, I don't want to be a mental patient anymore, I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to breathe anymore. Just want to sleep forever.

Dear 24.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health

Dear Pain

You never want to leave, huh?
The moment I think you’ve reach your limit,
You go to your extreme without care.
I am tired, can you see?
I am more than just broken right now,
I am completely ravished.
When will you be enough?
It has been years carrying this baggage.
For some reason I know this can’t be my faith
But it’s hard to be positive with you in my path.
Sat me free, dear pain!
Or just give me a little break.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Writing

What’s Wrong With Me??

It all starts with a perfect day.
Can almost hear the birds sing,
Even though, it's cold as snow.
The songs are smooth like jazz,
The Vibe is peaceful and pure,
The people are kind and joyful,
His romantic and full of love,
It's almost feel like heaven.
Then suddenly everything stops,
Can only feel the blood moving in your vain.
You suddenly lost breathe, 
Feeling numb with a painful brain,
Then off, you're down.
When you get up, it's different,
Your hands feel uncomfortable,
All you want to do is hit staff,
And tears fall without allowance, 
What's happening to my brain?
....
It Hurts, it hurts....
Please make it stop.
Help me, somebody please...

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

July Disorder

Like life, it's unpredictable. 
It came without signs,
Yet I knew that something was wrong,
I knew that I wasn't okay.
Mentally my brain hurts every second,
Physically I couldn't get out of bed.
And emotionally I was all over the place,
Spiritually I didn't exist,
I needed a break from depression
Some time away from anxiety
And I ran in the arms of Bipolar
My new July Disorder...
Lord I am tired.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Motivation

Dear June

I am in a battle,
Fighting for peace and freedom.
Dear June,
I am not happy but that's okay,
I've never been happy anyway.
It's hard to see my plans fall apart,
What's even harder,
We are almost in the middle of the year...
And I don't know where I am going,
Or where I will end up,
But I refuse to give up,
So, help me lift my head up.
I am on my knees begging for strength and guidance.
My heart is broken, my life is a mess,
And my future is predictable.
But I am hopeful and I will keep trying,
Just be kind and help me, June.
Let's keep fighting or just numb the pain.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Motivation · self love

May Peace

May I Have Peace? 
To gather my strength, 
Regain my pride, 
And restore my heart 

May I have peace? 
To let go of the pain, 
Forgive the past, 
And honor the future 

May I have peace? 
To breathe without struggles, 
And smile without pretending, 
And learn to be okay with not being okay.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression

Why?!

I won’t let me cry
I just want to know why
The wind blows different from my side
As the moon darkens from my shade
And sun disappears from my sight
What am I left with but a storm?
I want to know why
I can’t smile over the ocean at sea
And dance to the rain as it drips
While dreaming of a rainbow in tears
Who am I but a disaster upstairs
Mental health is my doom.

©Kitty Minaj

Motivation

April Pill

Dear April,

I am throwing my troubles away
To the deep sea I cannot see
For my soul has had enough
Of the traumas and the pain
As I take this pill right now
Let it restore what is broken
And heal all the wounds
Let it kill the fear within
And replace it with faith
And opportunities of a lifetime.
Let's forgive what we cannot change
And accept the plans of the day
As I swallow the April pill
I will not be afraid of tomorrow.

©Kitty Minaj
Anger

Holding Grudges

The scream of the night
Fill my chest with a knot
For the pain you have cost,
Has made me feel so lost
The freedom you promised,
Is haunting my dear pride
Your words in my soul,
Is slowing breaking me apart
Crawling deep here in the dark
Tortured by my broken tear drops
Peace is far from my reach
As I see you in my reflection
Broken mirror captured your fire
Burning so deep in our past
Hate is not in my mind
But I can’t let this go, my love
So I let grudges fill my heart
And I vow to hold on tight
Till your spirit feel my grudge.

PS: I FORGIVE YOU
BUT I CAN’T FORGET.

©Kitty Minaj