love, Sometimes, Writing

Virginity Vs Him

Nothing hurts like watching the guy you love beg for it, it even hurts more when he tells you it’s okay. I mean I don’t know how most girls did it but to me breaking your virginity is the hardest thing ever. Although I wish I was not a virgin, but most times I wonder….

I wonder how it feels to wake up with a hole in your vagina, or do you really wake up with a hole? I wonder about the pain when the penis is entering the vagina. Will I enjoy my first time? Will i satisfy him like a normal girl would. But most importantly after he broke my virginity what’s next??

Can we get married?? Can you promise me forever at least? Will you still like me like you used too?? Would you still need me? Although I see love and affection when you beg for it. It might not be true love but it’s real. It’s feels amazing, and really warm. But then again maybe that’s how lust feels like.

Maybe it is love but how will you know when every time he touches you, you end up in bed and next thing you know your jean is off, his shit unbutton while his hands are squeezing your breasts going down under your legs with an amazing feeling that makes you gasp as you touch his hand to stop it…

To stop him. Because as much as you love him, you love yourself more. And I don’t know why, but I know that no matter what eventually he’ll hurt you. Maybe after letting him in, because you only feel his love when he touches you. Most times he acts like you’re just his friend, not even trying to get in her pants.

But every time you stop him, and he gives you a very cute puppy disappointed look,”oh please, babe do you know you hurting me…” as he gets off angrily then cuddle you like you will run away and in that moment I swear, although you will feel loved but but guilt will deal with you.

The world will feel like it’s shaking in a romantic way as he squeeze you, giving you an amazing feeling which makes you question yourself if you should just let him in or not. Abd in that moment it’s like you stack between your commitment for your virginity and your love for the guy😢
And it’s hard to choose cause you will eventually lose one and probably regret your choice.

I love you so much. But as much as I am committed to you, my virginity is all I’ve got. To the point that I don’t mind dying a virgin than to get my heart torn in regrets with a hole in my vagina. Though I don’t have to choose, because love shouldn’t be about sex, sex is just the icing on the cake. I can have both.

You said no. I guess I have to let you go. I am committed to you but my commitment for my virginity is more important. I am a virgin with a plan.

-Patience

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love, Quotes, Sometimes

Heart Less 2

Yesterday he loved you… Today he leaves you… Tomorrow you’re left heart Less.

kitty Minaj🌷

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love, Sometimes, The mask

Heart Less

I never gave you my heart because you gave me yours but somehow I ended up without any heart.

Where did it go?? How is it possible?? What happened?

As I was searching for our heart, I forgot to check on you. I believed you got me and I got you. Efford didn’t matter…

But then as I looked up I realised the boy I love the most, the man that loves me dearly was gone. No where to be found.

Where did you go?? Why did you leave? How can you abandon your love for me? Us? Did you really love me??

-You stole my heart, I never gave it to you. But I’ve learned that a heart that loves you never really loves you.

Heartless

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love, Sometimes, Writing

Cry Me Love

‘What type of a guy do you want? What do you want from a man? What should i do to show my love for you?’…every time somebody would ask me those questions, my mouth would go dry and suddenly all the words replaced by ‘um’. . My heart would melt as my mind races in confusion…

I had no answers for the questions not even one. I had no idea of what I want in a male thought i would preach and brag about wanting to be loved, yet not knowing what love was. I’d say, all i want is to love and be love then ask my self how will I know a guy loves me?

There are alot of ways which by men reveal their feelings. And all I know is that it’s hard to know or see if a man loves you and it’s hard for a man to show his love. But when you lucky, you’ll just know. Though Men are easy creatures. Creatures that all females adore.

I rejected alot of guys for no reason, simply because I didn’t feel their love for me. I wanted to see it. I wanted them to show me and all of them failed. I rejected their ways of loving even though I had no idea what I wanted and how I want a guy to show me love. Until…

My friend had issues with her boyfriend, she actually cheated on him and he almost lay a hand on her and for that my friend got scared and broke up with him. The guy literally cried while holding her like God. He cried as he begged her not to leave him. And right there I saw Love from a man. Real pure love. He didn’t even care about what she did.

Now…ask me. What type of a guy do you want?? I want a guy who will stand by me no matter what. A guy who will try and help me outright my wrongs. Honestly I want a type of guy that would cry for me. A guy who is scared, terrified to lose me. That’s a guy I will lose myself too because I know he will never let me be lost.

Now I Know what to say when a man ask, ‘What should I do to show my love for you?’ Be yourself and be true. I’d appreciate it if you love me from afar. Let distance drive you insane and in love, let us learn to trust as we survive without each other. Get lost and let love bring you back. But my real answer will be, ‘If you love me – let love make you cry.’ … babe cry for me and I’ll know your heart is true.

Although not everymen show love by crying because most men don’t cry, so if he cries for you…just know it’s real and he ain’t faking it. He loves you to the point where he has already pictured his life with you. He made plans for you. And losing you will destroy his dreams.

Men can love and they love better than any other creature that’s why they sometimes called dogs, it’s because they can go eat next door and come back home to love, fight and protect their owner and if you lock them in they will never try to escape. Dogs are loyal and love with the deepest heart…

And for that, now i can tell you ‘What I want from a Man.’ I want a man that will love me like a dog. A man who will make me his priority as he protects me. Simply I want a man to cry for me. Let his sorrow show me love. Let me in your world and let us walk life together.

From today, I know I want love and I know what love is. So baby Cry Me Love…

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Quotes, Sometimes

No People No Problem

I remember when I was young and everybody in my hood hated me. Even the older people. I would ask my self what did I do wrong, I hated being me and I would cry everyday when I try to be nice to everyone while they treat me like shit. Until I grow up…

Time doesn’t heal wounds, it only makes you wiser. When I got older I realise there’s nothing wrong with me. People only like you when they can benefit from you and most will hate you for just being yourself. So in that moment i tried so hard to make people love me, yes, I became less me and everything they wanted me from me.

You can’t please a human being no matter how hard you try. I did everything they would ask of me, I would give or buy things for them in order to be accepted. I acted as a fool to make them laugh n keep them happy. I lost my self, hoping I would find a human that would love and be there for me.

I seek friends more than anything. I was always there for everybody. I was kind and forgiving even when they treated me like trash. None of the things I did for everyone made just one human to appreciate me. No body bothered to even say thanks Kitty for making me smile. I would cheer those who were in pain but drown at night on my own.

I felt empty around a bunch of people, I would feel sad even when they are entertaining. I’d come home and look in a mirror after removing my mask😊 and I would ask myself, What are you doing Kitty?’… why do I let people walk all over me? It’s clear they don’t like me.

Growth is important in life cause it allows one to see things clearly. And that’s when I opened my eyes and realised, people are the reason for my sadness my pain. I stopped pleasing humans. I stopped being a fool and losing my soul to them and guess what??…..

My life became easier as it got better. Spend time alone and spoiling my self, talking me and that made me free. You don’t need anyone but yourself. Don’t change yourself for any soul, if they love you, they should love you for who you are. I was able to accomplish a lot of things on my own. And since then I never shed a tear but made my dreams come true…

I gained back myself, I am me and I am alone but trust me I am so happy.

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Quotes, Sometimes

Bank Queue

Life is like a bank queue. To live your life is like standing in a bank queue on a month end. Very hectic, were looking forward you can see a lot of people infront of you, going the same way. And being patient is the only solution to survive and where faith is the only way to reach your destination. Yes, same give up, some cheat to be infront, and while you standing in the line you will get tired but eventually you will get there.🌷

(NEVER GIVE UP)

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