Depression

BOOK SALE

Mental Health · Motivation · self love

May Peace

May I Have Peace? 
To gather my strength,
Regain my pride,
And restore my heart

May I have peace?
To let go of the pain,
Forgive the past,
And honor the future

May I have peace?
To breath without struggles,
And smile without pretending,
And learn to be okay with not being okay.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression

Why?!

I won’t let me cry
I just want to know why
The wind blows different from my side
As the moon darkens from my shade
And sun disappears from my sight
What am I left with but a storm?
I want to know why
I can’t smile over the ocean at sea
And dance to the rain as it drips
While dreaming of a rainbow in tears
Who am I but a disaster upstairs
Mental health is my doom.

©Kitty Minaj

Motivation

April Pill

Dear April,

I am throwing my troubles away
To the deep sea I cannot see
For my soul has had enough
Of the traumas and the pain
As I take this pill right now
Let it restore what is broken
And heal all the wounds
Let it kill the fear within
And replace it with faith
And opportunities of a lifetime.
Let's forgive what we cannot change
And accept the plans of the day
As I swallow the April pill
I will not be afraid of tomorrow.

©Kitty Minaj
Anger

Holding Grudges

The scream of the night
Fill my chest with a knot
For the pain you have cost,
Has made me feel so lost
The freedom you promised,
Is haunting my dear pride
Your words in my soul,
Is slowing breaking me apart
Crawling deep here in the dark
Tortured by my broken tear drops
Peace is far from my reach
As I see you in my reflection
Broken mirror captured your fire
Burning so deep in our past
Hate is not in my mind
But I can’t let this go, my love
So I let grudges fill my heart
And I vow to hold on tight
Till your spirit feel my grudge.

PS: I FORGIVE YOU
BUT I CAN’T FORGET.

©Kitty Minaj

Gucc! · love

Addict

Dear March
I have nothing to say
I feel like a dry season
Except with a little bit of rain
I can't write, I can't read
And I can't smile without falling apart
I am trying so hard to move on
But everytime I close my eyes...
My skin crowls like his here,
I can smell his scent,
I can feel his touch
And the taste of his lips.
I never felt a thing when he hits me
But now I can feel the pain of his slaps
His kick on my stomach
And the pain of my head against the wall.
Then I wake up feeling numb,
Yet my heart literally breaking
Like a million needles stabbing it
I miss the abuse, the drama
And I would trade it all for it
Just to hear his insult
And just to feel his hands chocking me
I know it sounds crazy
But I felt more alive being his punching bag
Than the freedom of being at peace
Why is love so cruel??

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · suicide note

Dear March

Oh March
I thought I was ready for you
But you came with so much
And I realized I can't forget the past
And it's taking me so far back
Every step I make, takes me back to a memory
A trauma I can't escape
So I doubled my dosage
But the pills don't work
So I started drinking
It was like consuming my past
Then I tried smoking
But I only got high on migraines
And with every pain came with torture
Torture of what happened Yesterday
An event that still shake my bones
I carry everytime I breathe
Normalizing overthinking
I am mentally ill
So I lay awake on the cold floor,
Day in, day out listening to my pain
Waiting for redemption
A day I die or a day of peace
Nothing matters, I just want to be free.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health

How Do I Feel Blessed

How do I feel blessed
When I am so hungry
Yet my stomach filled with food
But my soul is extremely empty

How do I feel blessed
When I am so cold
Under this warm blanket
But with no one to snuggle with

How do I feel blessed
When I am so alone
In the presents of my loving parents
But dying without you here

How do I feel blessed
When I am so broken
Yet I get everything I want
But never get what I need

How do I feel blessed
When I am so cursed
Yet extremely gifted
But always fails and always sick

How do I feel blessed
When I am so suicidal
With a great vision for the future
But living in a trembling dark world

©Kitty Minaj

Depression

A Million Tears

A million tears,
Couldn’t change a thing
The sun still rise with no neglect
And it still sets with no regrets
Even when my world darkens
And my moon bleeds in pieces
To a lonely river of sorrows,
My heart bares too much
But no problem fades with tears
No time stops to console
And no day rest to care
Life carries on, no matter what
And a million tears,
Don’t wash away the pain…

©Kitty Minaj

Writing

Freedom Wind

When the sun rested to a broken heart, the night came with a little drug 
It was dressed so strange, and dark as the night
It walked like a thief in disguise but with a twinkle
Had it's hand on the right pocket of it's blue summer shorts,
Gray bucket hat that covered it's enormous head,
Yet revealed it's strangely curved face
It called my name, my ears were irritated
I was charmed by it's eyes yet the words were a turn off
His name was freedom, a son of the party wind
A chocolate dwarf seeking treasure
With a touch as cold as ice
And maturity young as his age
Yet he had my lovers energy
My lovers vibe and compassion
His thirst for gold and nothing but gold.
He made me scared,
I felt a tremble in my bones when he was around
My heart couldn't let go, I yarn for his words...the melody of his lies.
I craved for his passion...the scar of his fake intention.
I rejected his kiss...the fire of burning desire.
I friended him and I showed him humanity
Because his scent was refreshing like care
I believed he was pure inside the devil skin
For he made me smile and I saw his worth
Until he saw me choke on my own breath
What we built collapsed like civil nightmare
And the freedom wind blow away
He came at night, with bad intentions
When the sun rested to a little hope, the night came with a bad drug,
And reminded me I’ll never be alright.

©Kitty Minaj
self love · The mask

Enmity

I step on needles, hoping it was worth it,
For me to feel something or anything.
I lowered my status, so you can get comfortable.
I was tired of being alone all the time,
I ripped my soul out, for you to stay.
I was afraid of losing everyone,
I carried your blame, just to be loved.
All I wanted was the warmth of a being,
Yet I broke my heart, just to be someone,
For atleast one person to accept.
So I lost myself, searching for you.
Guess I forgot who I was, unloved!

©Kitty Minaj