Mental Health · Writing

Delicate December

Oh, dear Delicate December
I can hear the colorful birds sing,
I can see the sun ray thought the window,
I can observe the smell of roses blossom,
I can hear the cheers of churches rejoice,
I can feel the ground of earth shock,
I can breath without chocking,
I can believe in tomorrow without fear,
For I finally let go of the fear itself,
Because I've finally seen the miracle of darkness.
And in this Delicate December,
For the first time, I shall have a happy Christmas.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

Neutral November

Life is hard and there is no sugar coating in that.
And no matter how positive I get; I still wake up depressed and choked by anxiety.
I'm good for a minute then later I am manic. The bipolar won't let me be.
As I sometimes wake up with a blurry version, a migraine that lasts for days.
The confusion of being blinded by the sunlight, conversion disorder sucks.
I tried so hard to be okay with not being okay,
But mental illness is no joke, and it hurts so much. Especially physically.
But that's who I am, I am a mental patient, and I am mental health!
And in this month, I shall remain neutral.
I shall be at peace with who I am and what I am meant to be.
For this is a neutral November.

©Kitty Minaj
Cruelty Of Not Knowing · Gucc! · love

Cruelty of Love

I walk across the sea through the mountains
And bare the cold breeze of the wind
Just to feel the warm kiss of love,
Only to be cursed by it’s truth
The abuse and manipulation of it’s passion,
The trembling traumas of it’s moments,
And the pains and stress it surrounds,
Yet I refused to walk away from the striking thunder
With the hope that someday the rainbow will show
And bless away the misery
For I believe that nothing last forever
But that you are my forever.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression

October Morning

When the sun ray blinded my eyes,
I felt like I couldn't breathe in the light.
The pillow case was clouding my brain,
The bed sheet couldn't cover my broken soul.
For I was suffocating outside the blanket.
Yarning through the scars of death,
And scratching my face for peace with reality.
As I woke up to a life full of pain, wounds and traumas,
But never regrets just failed hard work.
And I woke up to October Morning...
Ready to continue my broken quest.

©Kitty Minaj
love

Settling In September

When the wind faded with August, 
I thought I would feel more lost,
But I woke in the fresh air of September,
And pain is what I don’t remember;
For I finally put myself first
And I know that this feeling won't last!
But I promise to enjoy it right now.
As I settling in this new season
Not knowing what to expect,
But ready for the worst,
For I know that life is a journey,
And I am willing to partake in.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

Be Blue

Be Blue
When black takes over your world, 
And yellow seems to be helpless, 
For red is the love that broke your soul. 
Remember purple is there for hope, 
When green leads you to a painful path. 
White is there to clear your heart, 
As blue washes the traumas away. 

©Kitty Minaj 
self love · The mask

Dear 24

Dear Life,
I'm about to turn 24 today at 14:15p.m. and my life is nothing but a mess, I'm failing to clean it up. I'm mentally exhausted and physically defeated. And death denied me a couple of times. So I gave up...

Dear 24,
Please be nicer, I am not trying to be happy anymore. I just need peace, I don't want to hurt anymore and I am never going to chase stars I cannot reach.


Dear 24,
Numb the pain and restore my soul. Set me free from inside this broken mind. I just want to be normal for once. I just want to be okay.

Dear 24,
Look After me, please. I am too weak to go through the same things I went through. Provide me a break. Alone I shall be with peace if I have too.


Dear 24,
I need you, I don't want to be a mental patient anymore, I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to breathe anymore. Just want to sleep forever.

Dear 24.

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health · Poetry

Born In August

Born in August
In the crowded mist of the dust,
That invaded my path to happiness,
I cannot even see the sad future ahead.

Born in August
In the silent cry of the wind,
That couldn't dry theses broken tears,
Or chase away the traumas And sorrows.

Born in August
When the tree lost it's leaves,
I lost everyone, even the hope of love,
Had no one to comfort me.

Born in August
I cried more this month,
When everyone was rejoicing,
How ironic! That time hasn't change a thing.

Born in August
Yet, I wish I wasn't born at all,
No offense, dear August,
Born 4th August 98'

©Kitty Minaj
Depression · Mental Health

Dear Pain

You never want to leave, huh?
The moment I think you’ve reach your limit,
You go to your extreme without care.
I am tired, can you see?
I am more than just broken right now,
I am completely ravished.
When will you be enough?
It has been years carrying this baggage.
For some reason I know this can’t be my faith
But it’s hard to be positive with you in my path.
Sat me free, dear pain!
Or just give me a little break.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Writing

What’s Wrong With Me??

It all starts with a perfect day.
Can almost hear the birds sing,
Even though, it's cold as snow.
The songs are smooth like jazz,
The Vibe is peaceful and pure,
The people are kind and joyful,
His romantic and full of love,
It's almost feel like heaven.
Then suddenly everything stops,
Can only feel the blood moving in your vain.
You suddenly lost breathe, 
Feeling numb with a painful brain,
Then off, you're down.
When you get up, it's different,
Your hands feel uncomfortable,
All you want to do is hit staff,
And tears fall without allowance, 
What's happening to my brain?
....
It Hurts, it hurts....
Please make it stop.
Help me, somebody please...

©Kitty Minaj