Restless May

May I have a rest?
As I wake up in this cold morning
Tossing and turning avoiding to get up
I just want to rest forever.

May I have a rest?
As I feel the burning in my chest
Struggling to breathe every second 
I just want to rest forever.

May I have a rest?
As Love breaks my bone
Living me heart broken and abused
I just want to rest forever.

May I have a rest?
As I become more depressed 
I swear this mental illness is pain
I just want to rest forever.

May I have a rest?
As suicide fills my mind
I don’t want to face tomorrow
Oh dear May, let me rest forever.

©Kitty Minaj

Not So Happy New Year

Dear life 
I held loves hands when it strikes 12
I felt like everything will be alright
Yet my heart was not at ease
I’ve been through so much
And I’m scared that this trauma will not end
Being strong hurts more everyday 
I feel like I’m going insane, mentally 
And I’m tired of taking pills to breathe 
I wish to be normal for just one year
But that’s impossible, I know….
Therefore I’m not happy for 2024
But looking forward to this new year!

©Kitty Minaj

Maybe

My heart is heavy,
Maybe it’s because of the abuse
Or the bruises all over my face
Maybe I don’t want to admit it’s abuse
Or maybe I just want it to be a mistake 
A mistake that keeps happening 
Then again maybe I am scared
Maybe I am just helpless
I’ve never had a script to relate too
Or maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone to run too
Maybe I am truly obsessed with him
Or maybe I am obsessed with pain
Maybe I am not worthy for better
Or maybe this is what I deserve
Because maybe I am unable to walk out
For truly and not maybe I LOVE HIM 
I TRULY LOVE HIM SO HIM.

©Kitty Minaj

9 Year Anniversary

I woke up with a kiss from you
But I was still mad about yesterday
In fact mad about many things 
Sometimes it’s hard to let things go
The unbearable pain of the wounds
The hard crack of a broken heart
The loud voice of the unspoken 
The silence of the insults 
Days of sleepless night
And a river of endless tears
Yet I still keep you so close
For I am afraid of letting you go
So Happy 9 Year Anniversary!

©Kitty Minaj

Perfect Man

My Perfect Man
Has hazel eyes that glows for me
As we have the same personality,
Small lips yet rough but soft on my lips
For our chemistry is define and sweet,
His touch is hot but warm on my body
There is fire every time we make love,
He always know what to say
As long as it chases the sadness away,
He knows how to turn me on
And makes damn sure I get satisfied,
Has a tattoo of my name on his chest
To prove that his love for me is permanent,
He loves to kiss my forehead
To let me know that I got him,
He feels comfortable confiding in me
Because he believes we are one,
He enjoys to hold my hand when we walk 
To make sure that I feel secure,
He values to kiss me in public 
To show the world that his proud of me,
He stares at me when I’m not looking
Wondering what he did to deserve such an Angel,
He always act funny like a clown
Just to put a smile on my face,
He always keep in touch when his away
To show me he misses me every second we’re apart,
And he always say I LOVE YOU!
Each and every moment he gets everyday.
And that’s my perfect man…

©Kitty Minaj

Abuse Free August

Dear August,

I woke up alone but not lonely
I felt cold without his warm arms around me
Yet life feels better with me here
Without fear of displeasing him,
And his insult when I try to talk,
A slap on my face when he can’t reply,
A push against the wall when his pissed,
A fist on my back when I hide my face,
Choking my neck when he tries to prove a point,
And hit my head against the wall just when he wants to leave,
Then calls me names for his own reasons,
And tell me how useless and worthless I am
Till the words hit my heart and I remember to let go
So I took a breath and truly let him go.
I want to breathe free this August, with no scars.

©Kitty Minaj

All I Wanted Was To Talk

All I wanted was to talk,
All you wanted was to put your hands on me
It all started as a joke
But now it's really bothering me.

All I wanted was to talk,
But you kicked my back and broke my rib,
I let it go cause you said you love me
But all you love is to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
You try to walk away, I locked the door
So you hit my head against the brick wall
Cause you love to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
You wanted to sleep, i wanted to fix things
So pull my hair and drag me across the floor
Cause you love to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
Cause I deserve more than what you give,
You give less love and more aggression
And you love to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
But you never have time for me
All you want is to keep hurting me 
Cause you love to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
Communicate with my partner
And have a loving relationship 
But all you want is to put your hands me.

All I wanted was to talk,
You blame me for everything
So you can slap my face a dozen times
Cause you love to put your hands on me.

All I wanted was to talk,
Three years of been beaten
I held on cause you call it love
You don't love me, you just love to put your hands on me.

©Kitty Minaj

Delicate December

Oh, dear Delicate December
I can hear the colorful birds sing,
I can see the sun ray thought the window,
I can observe the smell of roses blossom,
I can hear the cheers of churches rejoice,
I can feel the ground of earth shock,
I can breath without chocking,
I can believe in tomorrow without fear,
For I finally let go of the fear itself,
Because I've finally seen the miracle of darkness.
And in this Delicate December,
For the first time, I shall have a happy Christmas.

©Kitty Minaj

Cruelty of Love

I walk across the sea through the mountains
And bare the cold breeze of the wind
Just to feel the warm kiss of love,
Only to be cursed by it’s truth
The abuse and manipulation of it’s passion,
The trembling traumas of it’s moments,
And the pains and stress it surrounds,
Yet I refused to walk away from the striking thunder
With the hope that someday the rainbow will show
And bless away the misery
For I believe that nothing last forever
But that you are my forever.

©Kitty Minaj

Broken February

Broken February
I saw a glimpse of light
But as I got closer, it got dark
I felt like I was just hallucinating
I wanted so bad to be loved
I believed in a sea full of haters,
Atleast there’s one true love!
But that was just a myth too.
People just see me as an object,
A psycho being to be used.
So I’m trying not to feel
Because I can’t change who I am
And I can’t make anybody love me
Trust me, I tried so hard.
So in this broken February
I’ll just try to numb my wounds
And forgive my broken soul
As I look in the reflection,
Of imperfections full of passion
I am going to try and love me
I want to love myself so much,
That I don’t have to care,
About being truly alone
Completely on my own.

©Kitty Minaj