Stuck in a room filled with light,
Yet to me it felt so dark.
I am surounded by good people,
Yet I felt alone with bad vibe.
I laugh and smile when they look at me,
Yet I'm breaking and dying slowly Inside.
I dont know what's happening, everything is bury,
Yet I feel like a zombie in out of space.
I thought having Mental Health sucks,
Yet to also deal with abue is hell.
It took me years to accept my condition,
Yet I refuse to be a victim.
He loved me when everyone didn’t,
Yet that’s the reason I can’t leave him alone.
©Kitty Minaj
Restless May
May I have a rest?
As I wake up in this cold morning
Tossing and turning avoiding to get up
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As I feel the burning in my chest
Struggling to breathe every second
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As Love breaks my bone
Living me heart broken and abused
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As I become more depressed
I swear this mental illness is pain
I just want to rest forever.
May I have a rest?
As suicide fills my mind
I don’t want to face tomorrow
Oh dear May, let me rest forever.
©Kitty Minaj
Mother Of March
Dear Oh Mother of March;
I am hurting so much
And I am also trying so hard to be alright
But this life doesn't seem to have a spot for me
I just keep on falling way to hard
And I hate every breath that take
Yet I can't escape from this reality
So, all I do is lie in the couch all day
Watching drama, ignoring to think
Getting more depressed by the second
Waiting for the due date of my death,
Because Oh Mother of March, I don't want to be alive.
©Kitty Minaj
Twinkle Little Feb
Twinkle, twinkle little star!
How I wish to make a wish,
A glorious little request
To go back to when I was young
Damn, I forgot how painful that was
Being mistreated and hated by family members
So maybe I’ll go back to when I was a teen
Damn, I forgot that was hell too
Being bullied and traumatised by everyone
So maybe I’ll go back to when I was in love
Damn, I forgot that was torture as well
Being abused by the one I love most
So maybe I’ll stick to how I am now
Damn, I forgot how numb this shit feels
Being confused and mental ill
Always taking a pill to feel normal
Always alone just not to bother anyone.
©Kitty Minaj
Not So Happy New Year
Dear life
I held loves hands when it strikes 12
I felt like everything will be alright
Yet my heart was not at ease
I’ve been through so much
And I’m scared that this trauma will not end
Being strong hurts more everyday
I feel like I’m going insane, mentally
And I’m tired of taking pills to breathe
I wish to be normal for just one year
But that’s impossible, I know….
Therefore I’m not happy for 2024
But looking forward to this new year!
©Kitty Minaj
Depressing December
Dear December,
I thought I was happy this year
But you kept bringing me back.
You gave me bits of happiness then took it away,
You gave distraction then took it away too,
It’s like I’m not meant to be free.
I don’t know what I did to deserve this pain
But it keeps on hurting and hurting
And I just can’t bare it no more.
I’m not that strong…
I’ve been through a lot in life,
Every year is another trauma added to my mental health
Yet I wake and smile to the world with hope
Hoping that tomorrow will be better
Now I know it’s a lie
I’ll never be better in life
It’ll hurt until I die
Love will not save me but hurt me more
Family will not comfort me but destroy me
Freedom will not save me but wound me
Happiness will always be a curse
So, has I lay my head on the last month,
I am reminding myself to let everything go
I can’t change what’s meant to be
But I can change my mindset towards everything
Therefore I forgive me this December
And I am proud that I haven’t thought about suicide
Tomorrow I’ll be okay if things ain’t okay
But I’ll still cry.
©Kitty Minaj
Maybe
My heart is heavy,
Maybe it’s because of the abuse
Or the bruises all over my face
Maybe I don’t want to admit it’s abuse
Or maybe I just want it to be a mistake
A mistake that keeps happening
Then again maybe I am scared
Maybe I am just helpless
I’ve never had a script to relate too
Or maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone to run too
Maybe I am truly obsessed with him
Or maybe I am obsessed with pain
Maybe I am not worthy for better
Or maybe this is what I deserve
Because maybe I am unable to walk out
For truly and not maybe I LOVE HIM
I TRULY LOVE HIM SO HIM.
©Kitty Minaj
Nostalgic November
Dear November,
Failure is a part of life I understand
But disappointments are hard to take in
Especially when you can’t see a reason
Which takes you back to where you started
A place of endless rejection
Creating lifelong trauma that can’t be avoided
It’s easy to forgive and move on
But negativity will never let you forget
And that wounds will always hurt
Until you accept that nostalgia is part of life
And always remember to cry and forgive yourself,
For what’s meant to be, it’ll be.
Sincerely
Disappointed
©Kitty Minaj
9 Year Anniversary
I woke up with a kiss from you
But I was still mad about yesterday
In fact mad about many things
Sometimes it’s hard to let things go
The unbearable pain of the wounds
The hard crack of a broken heart
The loud voice of the unspoken
The silence of the insults
Days of sleepless night
And a river of endless tears
Yet I still keep you so close
For I am afraid of letting you go
So Happy 9 Year Anniversary!
©Kitty Minaj
September Salvation
Crystal the darkness was
But it couldn’t break my spirit
For I’ve seen the hell of life
And I’ve walked through the hot ashes
Yet it couldn’t haunt my soul
Even when devil promised me freedom
Instead he gave me misery
Crying every moment for a drop of love
Or just bit of sickless motion
A fresh breathe of no pain,
Until September came like wave
Wiping my scars and hiding my wounds
Showing me care and friendship
Warning my mental health to rest for a bit
So I can learn just how to live
Giving me Salvation.
©Kitty Minaj
Real Kitty Minaj 