Mental Health · Motivation

Holding On

It’s like I was born with a broken heart.
Everything I touch shatters into pieces,
With every breath I take, I come apart,
Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life,
Like I am trapped in the worst matrix,
Even hell could be better than this,
For the walls keep caving in on me
And the cold keeps surrounding me.
A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life
A package of unknown sicknesses
And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis.
I can’t handle the pain of my tears,
Yet I still battle to understand my purpose,
Even when I am stranded alone in the dark
For hope is like love, not easy to let go
Therefore when my days gets darker
I keep holding on
For I know the moon lights the night for a reason
And someday I might find my moon
Or not…
But I’ll keep holding on.

©Kitty Minaj

love · self love

Loved In October

When the rain poured, it rained hard
Suddenly stuck is what you become
For it's hard to hear a soul when thunder strikes loud
And you can't feel nobody when darkness curve in
It's easier to feel alone when all hope is lost
But no matter how bad the rain is, it's also good
It wash away the pain, and fill you with faith
Faith that love is there but scared
It hides away waiting for the storm to fade
Waiting for the right moment to endure
Waiting for October to start raining,
We are loved and mostly by an unknown
Remember that when pain hit your soul
You are loved in this October.
Have Faith in love

©Kitty Minaj
self love

Sad September

The morning rose like a dream
When sad September bloomed in a dark
With a twinkle of positivity
A hope of the most wounded soul
He broke my heart, I shed a smile
She distant herself, I loved the loneliness
I felt so much pain, I rejoice the hurt
I lost myself, and saw my strength
Forever I shall be this broken
And forever I shall be all alone
But in Sad September, I am okay
I am not sad, for I am strong
I am not sad, for I am savage
I can't be bend down or demolish
I am mental unstable but powerful
More powerful when I am sad,
Crying a river yet watering my garden
So in this sad September,
I am going to live my life...normal
Happily but alone.
For I love being on my own.

©Kitty Minaj
Poetry · Writing

Oh My August

Oh my August
Rise up from the dust
Clear the dark skies
And hear all my cries

Oh my August
Look around, I am rust
Rescue me and shine my life
Steal away the internal strife

Oh my August
Who can I trust?
When I am in pain and hurt
For the world is immune to my shout or blurt

Oh my August
Unchain me from this lust
Restore the girl I was
That loved herself so much


©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health

Emptiness Warm My Heart

Emptiness warm my heart
Fill my soul with self-love
And a free-spirited vibe
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have been ripped apart
Tortured and abused by life
That’s why I am broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
Steal away the trauma in my brain
That enabled the smile to fade away
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
From the coldness of my mental illness
And the bitterness of hurtful pills
Refusing to restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
When I am filling the sea with tears
And screaming for help in the dark
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have suffered, it’s enough!
Plead me to freedom, I beg
To restore what’s broken inside

©Kitty Minaj

love

To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

Mental Health · Motivation · Writing

Golden August

Dear Golden August

I come to you with a broken heart
No, I mean a broken soul,
For I have a lover with a purest heart
Yet my depression’s trying to tear us apart
I plead to please let me heal
Be kind and restore my sorrow
Make me whole and refill my happiness
For in a few days I will be getting older
And my dreams are slowing fading away
So let me fulfill my goals
And honor my passion
I have so much potential
That is as gold as you, August
And now it hurts to give up
For I am a Leo, a lion
Born to lead and with strength
Witness is not in my blood
So let me face my demon with pride
For gold is meant to shine
And I am not meant to break down
Even with these baggage in my chest
I will try and deal with my pain
This is my special golden month
An opportunity to strive
With positivity and hard work
A boss lady to became
For I am golden
Worthy and strong
Just like you August
So dear, GOLDEN AUGUST
PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE.

Truly golden
KITTY MINAJ

©Kitty Minaj

Cruelty Of Not Knowing · Gucc! · love · Poetry

The Colors Of Love

The colours of love
Shines deep in your eyes
The diamond in the sky
Flourish through your heart
Red was a promise
But it always made me cry
So you painted the sky blue
For me to let go of my baggage up high.
Green was the colour of your spirit
Filled with the goodness of life
But your pain, you couldn’t hide
Yellow led me through your soul
But it sucks I couldn’t heal your sorrow
Yet you still held me in the dark
Somehow black became the colour of our love
It brought us peace and underatanding
Pink became our commitment,
To each other’s downfall.
Till we danced to the lime rhythm
And white filled our floor
That’s when you said, ‘I owe you forever’
And thats when i said, ‘Forever is colourless’
You said, ‘Forget the colour because love is blurry’
Guess thats why we’re floating on the clouds now
Making vows with our bodies
And peace to our imperfections
Love is indeed color blind
And it is up to up to fill it up with colours
Shade every part with truth of relations
Colourless that’s the colour of love.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · suicide note

Mirror On The Floor

Mirror, mirror on the floor
No one’s knocking on my door
So you held me when I fall
Even though I am the saddest of them all
For I have been damaged since childhood
I am older now but nothings good
My world is falling apart
Tryna fix it but don’t know where to start
Fact is that depresses me all the time
And to breathe sometimes feels like a crime
Basically, it’s just hard to be alive
Wish I can pause everything and take five
Because no matter what I don’t want to die
But it hurts so bad that’s no lie
So how do I let go of the pain inside?
Can’t seem to run away from nor hide
But cry to the mirror on the floor.

©Kitty Minaj

Motivation · self love

The Influence Of Your Own Eyes

This is life, hope you understand that.
And if you do then you’ll understand that perfection doesn’t exist but being different means you’re outstanding.
It’s not easy being different, I know. In a world where people just look at you with a different eye, making you feel like an alien. In a world where people struggle to love you. And it’s confusing to the girl looking in the mirror, trying to find her missing link, like whats wrong with her, why isn’t she enough.
Why was she cut from a different cloth?
But does it matter what people think
Yes it does because everybody needs somebody, and when that somebody you love despise you, it’s hard to look at the mirror and accept your own reflation.
But it all starts from within and it’s a process.
Forget the quotes that tells you to look deep inside you and blah blah…let’s try something practical like taking a moment to look at your own reflation in the mirror. •Look deep in her/his eyes.
•What does your own eyes tell you
•Do you like you
•Ask your eyes why
•Let the tears fall
•Talk to your eyes
•Tell them you’re hurt
•Get to know your eyes
•Form a friendship
•Or a relationship
•When the tears have dried
•And you’re laughing
•Tell your eyes that you love them
•And kiss your reflation
•Do it everyday repeatedly
•And every time you feel out of place
Because they say a way to a person’s heart is through their eyes therefore I challenge you to also use your own eyes to regain your self love.

PS: I AM STILL TRYING TO WORK ON ME TOO.

I love you therefore you are loved.

©Kitty Minaj