I’ll Never Be Okay

I walk around with a wounded mind
Over-analyzing the smallest task
And sacrificing my purest heart
To a world of cruelest doom
Misunderstood by my own people
Broken by the one I love most
And hurt by life itself
Abandon by my greatest demons
Left alone with just pain and scars
The devil is no where to be found
When darkness filled my soul
Who can I be when I’m broken?
Where can I run when I’m alone?
How do I breath in the dark?
What happened to love being a savor?
Is love a lie?
Where hope is all lost
And no direction to move forward
Knowing I’ll never be okay
Do I accepting my faith
Or keep hurting?

©Kitty Minaj

I Gave You All Of Me

I gave you all of me
My endless time of infinity
When you promised me forever
Yet all you gave was your excuses

I gave you all of me
My innocence of pure love
When you promised no harm
Yet all you gave was pain

I gave you all of me
The warmth of my being
When you promised to care
Yet all you gave was distance

I gave you all of me
My purest heart of love
When you promised to love me
Yet all you gave was lies

I gave you all of me
All that I am and wish to be
When all you do is break me apart
And all you gave was empty promises

©Kitty Minaj

I’m Not Going To Cry…

I’m not going to cry
I deserved it, I deserved it
The endless pain and misery
Who am I to be free?

I’m not going to cry
I caused it, I caused it
The hatred and the loneliness
Who am I to be loved?

I’m not going to cry
I forced it,I forced it
To live in sadness and fear
Who am I to be happy?

I’m not going to cry
I earned it, earned it
The depression and the vicious sicknesses
Who am I to be well?

I am not going to cry
I’ll end it, I’ll end it
My life with pills and poison
Who am I to be alive?

©Kitty Minaj

Emptiness Warm My Heart

Emptiness warm my heart
Fill my soul with self-love
And a free-spirited vibe
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have been ripped apart
Tortured and abused by life
That’s why I am broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
Steal away the trauma in my brain
That enabled the smile to fade away
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
From the coldness of my mental illness
And the bitterness of hurtful pills
Refusing to restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
When I am filling the sea with tears
And screaming for help in the dark
To restore what’s broken inside

Emptiness warm my heart
I have suffered, it’s enough!
Plead me to freedom, I beg
To restore what’s broken inside

©Kitty Minaj

To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

Words Vs Feelings

I said I am not going to cry
With tears in my eyes
Flawing hard like someone died
It felt like my heart did

I said he is not worth it
Yet I need him more
So how do I let it go
It felt like I crashed my soul

I said it’s okay,It’ll pass
But holding on to him feels right
Or am I lying to myself
It felt like I was a fool

I said no more Relationships
But I need love so bad
Yet I keep messing up
It felt like I’ll never be loved.

©Kitty Minaj

When The Warmth Fade Away

When the warmth fade away
And there is no reason to stay
Even when he does good
Can’t help but let go of the loop
For once you truly understand your worth
For you’ve been giving your all
For Someone that’s capable of letting you fall
After showing so much love and passion
Yet lies at every occasion
Making you feel stupid and dumb
Forgetting that there will come a time
When you finally open your eyes
And wipe the tears of all your cries
And then realize…
That love is like a mortal
Imperfect and fragile
A battle field I failed to win
Heartbreak I could have seen
Yet charm fooled my soul
Til in your arms I felt so cold
And mouth left with no words to say

As your warmth fade away.

©Kitty Minaj

Time To Let Go

It’s time to grow up
I’ve been messed up a lot
For I refused to let you go
Was afraid to be left alone

But you’ve played with my mind
While wounding my heart
And breaking my trust
Now I am scared to love

I’ve watched you walk out
Came back and fuck me around
Your spear of lust, hurts so much
And your kisses left me bruised

I found my heart in your trash
Why would you make me feel this worthless
How could I let you mistreat my love
Guess it’s time to let you go now.

©Kitty Minaj

Never Letting Go

Why do I stay when I want to go?
Is it because I have hope?
Or maybe it is because I don’t want to be alone.
I stay and all I do is complain.
Complain that I might be going insane.
Insane of the thought that it might be my fault.
But who is to blame?
Is it me or is it him?
Neither one of us will go.
Although we know we must go,
All we do is ignore the pain
Of all the words we exchange.
I know I must go, but I don’t know.
If I go, I will be alone.
But why do I stay?
Only to hear him say,
“You’re to blame for all my unhappiness and pain.”
I know I’m not to blame for the choices he has made.
So I stay, hoping he will grow,
Grow in love and be consoled knowing I will never go.

It Hurts Like Hell

It hurts…

When it hurts like hell
I tried to overdose
But no amount of medicine,
Can numb the pain inside
Instead it makes you feel worse.

When it hurts like hell
I tried to seek for help
But no human,
Can take away the misery
Instead they break you badly.

When it hurts like hell
I ran to him
But not even love,
Can heal the wounds in your sorrow
Instead it lesion even more.

When it hurts like hell
I killed myself
But not even death,
Can handle my heavy baggage
Instead it denied my soul.

When it hurts like hell
I finally gave up
For hell seem even better
Because this nightmare is curse too
And can’t escape from yourself

I let it hurt like hell