Sad September

The morning rose like a dream
When sad September bloomed in a dark
With a twinkle of positivity
A hope of the most wounded soul
He broke my heart, I shed a smile
She distant herself, I loved the loneliness
I felt so much pain, I rejoice the hurt
I lost myself, and saw my strength
Forever I shall be this broken
And forever I shall be all alone
But in Sad September, I am okay
I am not sad, for I am strong
I am not sad, for I am savage
I can't be bend down or demolish
I am mental unstable but powerful
More powerful when I am sad,
Crying a river yet watering my garden
So in this sad September,
I am going to live my life...normal
Happily but alone.
For I love being on my own.

©Kitty Minaj

Alone In July

Alone in July
Oh,how I wish I could die
Wrapped my self in these blanket
For the cold of loneliness has occupied my space
It froze my bleeding heart
Causing it to hurt my chest,
Numb my body became
Yet my inside felt so much pain
Like a million needles inside,
Oh, how I wish I could scream
But what's the point when no one can hear?
For even the the demons are no where
My soul is not just broken but demolished
With no one to love, no one to care
Alone with this pain and wounds that won't heal
Surrounded by depression, trauma filled my aching head
Abandon by anxiety to migraine hell
A place of sickness and torture
Helpless as I realize I am truly alone
Dead I feel yet I am still breathing,
Alone in July

©Kitty Minaj


Falling Apart

I woke up with a smile
Even though I couldn’t breath
I managed to get up
When my chest was weighing on me
The bath tub filled up with tears
Because I couldn’t hold back the pain
The stranger in the mirror reflecting on me
Couldn’t comfort my grieving soul
When the mask trembled down
I couldn’t share a smile
For what lurks deep inside
Is breaking me apart
And knowing that I can’t fix it
Makes my whole life a misery
So I went back to sleep
And watch my days turned into nights
With no one asking if I am alright
Had to tell myself that it’s okay
Alone and depress I’ll always be
This is a life I was meant to live
But I can’t help falling apart

©Kitty Minaj

June Stress

Dear June,
I woke up with my head blocked out
And my eyes swollen from tears
My heart worn out from all the pain
Blood boiling cold numbing my skin
Enabling all the emotions back
The questions of 'what if?' But mostly 'why?'
Crumble deep inside my bones
With the fear of the future
Lurking in the depth of my spine
The pain of tomorrow being worse than today
Seemed to be the stress I always face,
But cannot seem to disappear in my vains
For time makes every situation complicated
And stress seem to only be multiple
As I begged for freedom
From thinking of all my pain
And June stress to just go away.

Stressed out
Lee

©Kitty Minaj

Writer’s Block Dilemma

I want to write again
For my chest is filled with sorrow
Burning and blocking my breathe
Yet this pen cannot express

I want to write again
All these emotions are hurting me
And the stress I cannot run away from
For this pen cannot express

I want to write again
When these thoughts fill my mind
And painful my brain becomes
When this pen cannot express

I want to write again
For my heart has had enough
And there is no one to hear me out
But this pen that cannot express

I want to write again
For this life is to much to bare
When you’re all alone with no purpose
As this pen cannot express

I want to write again
When anxiety tortures my soul
And depression consume my brain
While the pen refuse to relieve my pain

©Kitty Minaj

Merge Me, May

I am falling apart
With these scars in my heart
And my knees on the ground
My head smashed on the floor
Trying to understand my flaws
Yet struggling to subtain my breath
Was I really meant to be alive?
When death mock me and life hurt me
How do I really numb the pain?
Of yesterday that was stolen by wounds
And tomorrow that is taken by fear
In this soul I can not run
For there is no soul that could save me
Therefore my sorrow weights on me
Nothing I could do for tears burns me up
So I seek for you, May
To merge and restore what’s broken inside
And give me a purpose to get off the couch
And smile for the sun that shines even in winter
For no matter how dead I feel inside

Mom, needs me to be alive.

©Kitty Minaj

Broken Anxiety

I wanted to write my heart out
But my watery eyes couldn’t see a thing
My shakey hands couldn’t hold a pen
And my breaking heart couldn’t express it’s self.
All I could do, is cry dead to a selfish life
As I lay down on the cold hands of the floor
Feeling the aching twitch of my veins
And the trembling pain of my body
As I try to acknowledge my broken soul

©Kitty Minaj

Won’t Miss Tomorrow

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is not just far and cruel
Yet filled with unknown adventures
That a destined to break my heart

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it scarier than the dark
And you get to watch the knife,
Gets in right through your skin

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it doesn’t know kindness
And it destroys happiness
Leaving me all depressed

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is worse than today
It trumbles deep into your wounds
Making them hurt even more

I won’t miss tomorrow
For it is full of pain
A battle I always seem to lose
Yet struggles I always gain

I won’t miss tomorrow
For time has proven to not heal
Yet lingers in more damage
That destroyed my faith of living.

©Kitty Minaj

To Love…

To love means to be pure
Having the center to be like nature
Or having the Courage like water
Just having a drive like peace

To love means to be selfless
Giving without acknowledgement
Caring with no expectations
Breaking with no concern

To love means to be a fool
In the eyes of the beloved
Never bothered by their wrongs
And accepting their excuses

To love means to forgive
The one that breaks your heart
The reflection infront of you
The circumstance of every pain

To love means to be strong
When love hurts like hell
And the one you love,
Doesn’t love you at all

To love means to be broken
Loving with every and all the pieces
And to cherish love like it’s God
And never giving up on love

To Love Means To Love With A Pure Broken Heart

©Kitty Minaj

My Parents

My mom, gave birth to me
Held me when I was helpless
Nurture me with no expectations
Loved me with no questions

My dad, supported me
Right from birth, he was there
Tought me how to walk
And loved me even in my worst days

My mom, raised me with care
Did my hair and clean me up
Got me the best clothes
An angel my mom made me

My dad, provided for me
Made sure I had the best education
And limitless opportunities
Wise and independent, dad made me

My parents, years later, still my parents
They still provide for me
Make sure I am happy and fed
And they still support me

My parents, pick me up when I’m down
They are the only people I can run too
Only love that keep me sane
And only true love that’s unconditional

My parents, I took them for granted
Because I thought they just parents
Never thought they understood
Until life knocked me down and they picked me up

My parents, I will forever be indebted
For they know me, the real me
And they respect my soul
They’ll never give up on me

My parents, I love them
For they are a blessing
And they are my strength
They love me just me.

©Kitty Minaj