Mental Health · Motivation

Holding On

It’s like I was born with a broken heart.
Everything I touch shatters into pieces,
With every breath I take, I come apart,
Almost has if I wasn’t meant to live this life,
Like I am trapped in the worst matrix,
Even hell could be better than this,
For the walls keep caving in on me
And the cold keeps surrounding me.
A torture I could not bare but been receiving all my life
A package of unknown sicknesses
And drowning by the pills of all the diagnosis.
I can’t handle the pain of my tears,
Yet I still battle to understand my purpose,
Even when I am stranded alone in the dark
For hope is like love, not easy to let go
Therefore when my days gets darker
I keep holding on
For I know the moon lights the night for a reason
And someday I might find my moon
Or not…
But I’ll keep holding on.

©Kitty Minaj

Mental Health · Motivation

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas
Is a day of peace and quite
A day of no tears and pain
A day without feeling depressed
Or having anxiety attacks
A day where you learn to smile
A real smile without breaking apart
A day of give thanks to being alive
And not feeling suicidal.
I just want you to be happy
And enjoy this day with all your loved ones

All I want for Christmas
Is for everyone to have a happy,

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Mental Health · Motivation · Writing

Damn December

I thought you had a heart because you make everyone happy, even though you are very stressful but you are also full of joy, laughter and togetherness. But for me this time you’ve been different, very unkind and a bit cruel I must state. I am really upset, December, what’s going one? Are we fighting, I mean what’s with the ditching?

Okay, let me slow it down. I had so much plans for you. I thought this December was going to be the best because I had a rough sad and painful year. I needed a break from the hell I’ve been through. I planned to be happy and have fun even though I don’t party nor drink alcohol. I thought I’d still make the best out of this.

Plans were to: do my green awesome hair but instead I did pink because I am not going anywhere special no more. I wanted to go somewhere really fun and exciting, I wanted to be with my new kinda-yet-young-very-young friend of mine with a couple of few people but no plans where made. Now I am, plan-less and more depress. Going to hospital and clinics lately…it’s really killing me.

I mean, damn December, you’ve been very boring. Even the television is boring, nothing good is keeping me entertain or stressless. I need to get my mind off things. Hash tag less depressed. Another thing, you have been cruel to my relationship, are you trying to get me alone or what because you’ve been trying to break me up with my boyfriend. Fighting and breaking up and making up then again vise verse. I am exhausted and overwhelmed, give us a break. We love each other.

Everyday is being full of tears and locking my self. Hash tag anti-social. This is not me, I even hate taking picture. I used to love taking picture, about a hundred a day, now, never. I don’t know what’s wrong, please torn it down December. I need a break and I need you to help me on that. You’re the only month that specializes in breaks and peace, why wont you help me. Let me be free for a moment.

Right now I lost a big part of my life and I don’t know how to deal with that. Please help me, I know it’s not too late and I am stronger than I look. Anybody capable of dealing with a mental illness is a hero. Hercules. Don’t lose hope on me, I just need to rest and be free even without being happy. Just be gentle a little. I pray you answer my prayers or request for that matter, don’t be like November. I trust you, Damn DECEMBER, till we meet again.

Pleading, LEE

Depression · Mental Health · Motivation

Mental Health Motivation

I know it hurt right now
I know it hurts so much
And you wish you could just elope from your own body.
I know it’s even hard to smile
The mask has gotten really heavy lately
But your strong, really strong
And I know it’s hard to hear that,
When you feel like you're dying inside.
Drowning in your own sorrow,
Can’t get a crib, just can’t save your self.
Life is hard and you don't know why,
But it’s okay, just take a breathe
Close your eyes and breath really slowly
I don't know if everything will be okay
But I know that you will be okay
We need to let go of all the pain
The past, the tears, sadness and traumas
Let’s not waste today because of depression
When you feel you want to cry,
Get up and dance or sing loud
Write or watch funny movies
And trust me horror movies help too.
We can’t fix what’s broken inside
But it’s not impossible to deal with it either
Love you for your mental health
Because for what it’s worth, it made you a better person
Very unique and rare, one of a kind beautiful soul.

©Kitty Minaj
Mental Health · Motivation · Writing

Golden August

Dear Golden August

I come to you with a broken heart
No, I mean a broken soul,
For I have a lover with a purest heart
Yet my depression’s trying to tear us apart
I plead to please let me heal
Be kind and restore my sorrow
Make me whole and refill my happiness
For in a few days I will be getting older
And my dreams are slowing fading away
So let me fulfill my goals
And honor my passion
I have so much potential
That is as gold as you, August
And now it hurts to give up
For I am a Leo, a lion
Born to lead and with strength
Witness is not in my blood
So let me face my demon with pride
For gold is meant to shine
And I am not meant to break down
Even with these baggage in my chest
I will try and deal with my pain
This is my special golden month
An opportunity to strive
With positivity and hard work
A boss lady to became
For I am golden
Worthy and strong
Just like you August

Truly golden

©Kitty Minaj

Boofie · Gucc! · love · Motivation

Love Smokes

Puff, Puff love smokes
His lung out till he chocks
Trying to get away from this world
Yet the ground is where he belongs

Puff, puff love smokes
Till his high as the cloud
But the higher he gets
The lower he floats

Puff, puff love smokes
His problems up like a goat
But the more he pull
The more miserable he feels

Puff, puff love smokes
Blaming his girl for his wrongs
For the truth has been blinded by the vapor
Distant from her, he became

Puff, puff love smokes
Fading like the vapor on the air
Losing his lover for cheap gas
That only jeopardizes his health

Puff, puff love smokes
One pull closer to his death
Second pull, his completely alone
Last pull, too late his addicted.

©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Mental Health · Motivation · Writing

Me, Myself And PAIN

Pain made me who I am today
And it also made me who I fear to be
It gave me the passion I always longed for
And it made me lose it in an instant
Pain reminded me of love
Yet it never allowed me be loved
It made me pure and smart
Yet broken and awkwardly different
Pain gave me a voice
But took away my audience
It made me a writer
Yet took away the success
Pain took away my faith
Yet encourage me to always believe
It also drained all my energy
And taught me to never give up
No matter what pain's got me
Therefore I am never alone
I got me, myself and pain.

©Kitty Minaj

love · Motivation · Writing

May Bless My Mom

May, please bless my mother;
She pulled up with me from the start
In her stomach craving for all the staff
That can make you sick, but she still ate
The nasty food till her stomach got heavy
She carried me around even though I made her back ache
She could have gave up and removed me
But she held on for 9 full months
At times I would stretch inside her
Twisted and turned with kicks
And she never complained, yet it made her happy.

…Wait that’s not all...

When it was time for me to see the world
I gave her unbearable pains as a sign
That I am ready to see her face
It took work and more pains to push me out
Never till this day I heard her complain
Yet, she says it was the happiest moment of her life
For she was happy to finally see me
Even though after that, I was a nuisance
I kept her up mostly at night
She never rested till I was five
Yet she continued to nurture me till today
Like a dad, she tries to protect me
Even when I never listen, she’s patient
Never gave up on me not even once
Always care and supports me
Her love is timeless and limitless
She made me her responsibility from the start
Even when I was just a choiceI’m an adult, yet she says I’ll always be her baby
Unconditionally loved me through thick and thin
Never seen love so pure and true
But only exist in a mother
And for that I celebrate every mother
And May all the mother’s be bless
From all over the world
Happy Mother’s Day

Hope May Will Treat You Kind.
©Kitty Minaj

Depression · Motivation · suicide note · The mask · Writing

Hush Broken, Baby

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Go to bed and close your eyes
I know it’s hard but please just try
Say something postive even if it’s lies

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You’re feeling outta place and outta mind
Sadly, it won’t get better that’s no lie
But you got to keep going and be kind

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Got to be strong in this cruel world
Even when the robe needs to be tied
Seems like the only way to reach the Lord

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
You can overdose and numb the pain
You’ll just fall alseep but won’t die
Satisfying your suicide thoughts is no gain

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Depression is a phrase and it sucks
Just retreat to your room and outcry
For anxiety is hell but it can bring lucks

Hush broken baby, don’t you cry
Let your hope fly just like a dove
There’s always someone who’s willing to try
To hold you tight and show you love.

©Kitty Minaj

Motivation · self love

The Influence Of Your Own Eyes

This is life, hope you understand that.
And if you do then you’ll understand that perfection doesn’t exist but being different means you’re outstanding.
It’s not easy being different, I know. In a world where people just look at you with a different eye, making you feel like an alien. In a world where people struggle to love you. And it’s confusing to the girl looking in the mirror, trying to find her missing link, like whats wrong with her, why isn’t she enough.
Why was she cut from a different cloth?
But does it matter what people think
Yes it does because everybody needs somebody, and when that somebody you love despise you, it’s hard to look at the mirror and accept your own reflation.
But it all starts from within and it’s a process.
Forget the quotes that tells you to look deep inside you and blah blah…let’s try something practical like taking a moment to look at your own reflation in the mirror. •Look deep in her/his eyes.
•What does your own eyes tell you
•Do you like you
•Ask your eyes why
•Let the tears fall
•Talk to your eyes
•Tell them you’re hurt
•Get to know your eyes
•Form a friendship
•Or a relationship
•When the tears have dried
•And you’re laughing
•Tell your eyes that you love them
•And kiss your reflation
•Do it everyday repeatedly
•And every time you feel out of place
Because they say a way to a person’s heart is through their eyes therefore I challenge you to also use your own eyes to regain your self love.


I love you therefore you are loved.

©Kitty Minaj