Death Denied Me Too

When the dark clouds caved in
And darkness was all I could see
I took a sip on a strong drink
Paraffin never tasted better
Paralyzed is what it did to me
Yet I could still breathe with pain.
I cried my eyes out
Till overdosing became my comfort
Pills only made me high
And numb was all I became.
With no tears to cry out
I got on my knees and prayed
Screamed out, ‘Why can’t I just die!’
That’s when I saw a dead rat
Which gave me an idea to consume poison
Yet the outcome was very brutal
And pain in my stomach was all I felt.
So I gave up and cut my wrist
Till I bleed out a lot of blood
Got on concious for 12 hours
I woke up feeling crazy
Didn’t feel like myself.
So tired of life yet can’t get away
With no choice, I tried the rope
The tighter the grip, numb my throat
And made my face purple and swollen
Till I fart and pooped on my pants
Stinking the whole house
Enabling someone to come rescue
Blanked out, I woke up in a hospital
With everyone around me
Curiously asking, ‘Why do you seek death?’
And the doctor telling me I’m selfish
He said, ‘Death don’t even want you.’
I closed my eyes in tears
Feeling the pain in my heart, face, stomach, body
Everything hurts including breathing
Reality never been this cruel.
I needed death more than ever
But just like everything and everyone
Death denied me too.

©Kitty Minaj

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